One thing you should never do on vacation

Everyone knows how hard it is to break in a pair of shoes. I remember getting a pair of very comfortable looking Liz Claiborne slip-on sandals right before a trip to Washington, D.C. They had crisscross straps and were flats. They seemed like the ideal travel shoe. I thought, “Why not take them along?”

I stayed at The Latham, a stately hotel in Geogetown that was within walking distance to several intriguing sites.

Day one, I slipped on those comfy Liz Claiborne sandals and set off to find Dumbarton Oaks, a mansion surrounded by lovely gardens. It was only about 12 blocks from the hotel – a fair distance but doable. Those sandals were fine at first. But as I walked on the uneven brick sidewalk that hot afternoon, the right shoe started to dig into my foot beneath the big toe. Step. Ouch. Okay, let’s try sliding the foot. Umph! Step. Ouch. Slide. Umph! Every step that I took began to feel like I was lancing my foot with a knife.

When I finally stumbled upon what I thought was the estate – I was dismayed to discover that it was the wrong tourist spot. I didn’t cry like a baby although I really wanted to. Instead, I set aside my embarrassment and limped inside to the gift shop. There, I politely asked the cashier if they happened to have a band-aid. I must have looked like a refugee on the verge of tears, because the cashier rushed to get some band-aids and thrust them into my hand.

It was just in time. Without one, I would have walked barefoot back to the hotel. That plastic encased square of cotton was my salvation. With the band-aid firmly in place, I clip-clopped back to the hotel. Once inside the hallway to my room on the 7^th floor, I took off those sandals, dug my feet into the lush carpet and sighed deeply. Then I hurled those sandals down the hall.

Let this lesson save you from some travel pain. Never wear new shoes on a trip without thoroughly breaking them in before you go.

What's the real meaning of Christmas?

Celebrating the birth of Jesus is sometimes a hard concept to get your arms around.
As boomers, we may be jaded by Christmas’s past. In the carefree times of our youth, we typically celebrated with our immediate family and often the extended family of grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. In our teens, sure we rebelled but we still valued the traditions of Christmas: going to mass, eating a feast with the family, and then maybe being able to sneak over to our friends’ homes down the block to see what they got for Christmas.

Fast forward to early adulthood – marriage often comes quickly. Then the time gets divided between going to one’s maternal side, then visiting the in-laws. This typically lasts for two to three years until you realize that it’s totally untenable especially once there are grandkids involved. Then, it’s a welcome relief to split the holiday: Christmas eve at one spouses’ family and Christmas Day at the other. Of course, there are gifts and food galore at both places. I remember filling the trunk of our car with bags full of toys for my three children after coming back from their grandparents’ house. It was a smorgasbord of fun things. They were in toy nirvana.

Then comes divorce, and you not only have to split time between the maternal grandparent’s and in-laws homes, you also need to split the holidays with the ex. That is a killer.

Then the kids get older and move out of the house. When holidays come, it’s sometimes hard to get them all together under one roof – especially for those who live out of state. This is the time frame that I find myself in now. An empty nest and no real reason to get crazy over the holidays. My kids have always preferred to buy their own gifts – so my solution is to buy one gift and give them money to buy whatever else they want.

This year, I wondered what it would be like to have the mindset of the Grinch and try to stop Christmas from coming. So, I didn’t bake Christmas cookies. I didn’t send out cards. I didn’t put lights up. I didn’t even put lights or ornaments on my tree until Christmas Eve day. I almost didn’t go to Christmas Eve service; after all I had a Christmas Day brunch to prepare for. Yet, thankfully I did go to a service. It was a beautiful Christmas celebration at Northridge Church. It was titled, “Chill.” That didn’t seem so “Christmasy” but the pastor said, “Don’t have any expectations about the service. Just let it flow over you.”

And I did. Good thing that I brought Kleenex. Watching the emotionally compelling video of Mary and Joseph seeking a place to stay in Bethlehem while listening to beautiful singing put me in the right frame of mind to contemplate Jesus’ birth. Then the pastor asked us to stand – I would guess there were 900 of us in two tiers – and sing together. The audience of friends and strangers alike stood together to worship and sing the praises of Jesus’ birth – it was awesome.

At the end, a procession of “regular” people holding candles walked slowly up the aisles toward the stage where about 250 candles shone brightly. They left some space between them so they were fanned out from the stage in the front to the last row. And they sang, as we all did, “O come all ye faithful.” It was a powerful testament to our belief, hope and love.

Listening to the pastor’s message about being open to Christ and his desire to have us be part of his family made me reflect on something I had done earlier in the day.

While buying fruit and salad fixings at a super produce shop (Randazzos) in Westland, I casually asked the cashier how she was doing. That opened up a conversation in which she blossomed like a rose unfurling her petals. She told me that she and her 8-year-old daughter were going to be making ribs, greens and brownies (her daughter made better brownies than she did, she confided in me) to take to their family party tomorrow (Christmas Day).  Wow – I am so glad that I asked.

A few minutes before the service ended – during the final song – we started to leave to beat the crowds out of the parking lot. As my boyfriend Mike and I were halfway down one of two wings of stairs, we saw a boy about 10 or 12 in a wheelchair with a mother tending to him. He made sounds like he was vomiting, so I told Mike, “Let’s go down the other stairs.” But no, Mike pulled my hand and we narrowly skirted around the mother and the boy in the wheelchair. Mike took a moment to wish her a Merry Christmas. My heart melted at his tenderness toward the mother and I felt guilty that I had pretty much wanted to avoid the scene by taking the other stairs.

These simple encounters on Christmas Eve show just how powerful we, as individuals, can be when Jesus shows us the way and we follow his light. No matter how much my post-divorce Christmases make me feel like a Grinch at times, I always catch the Christmas spirit. I hope you do too. God bless you and Merry Christmas!

Strategic relations (in the swimming pool)

Ours has become a pluralistic culture – not only with various ethnicities but also with a wide spectrum of age groups and political views. In a microcosm, I will demonstrate how this comes into play in our daily lives. My first blog on this topic will focus on my local fitness center, which attracts many people of different ages, abilities, races and cultures.

I’ve been swimming 72 laps (1 mile) three times per week for nearly 30 years, which makes me a strong, fast swimmer. (Yes, my biceps are enviable.) This morning, the available three lap lanes were taken up by “turtle-esque” swimmers, who were elderly, obese or nearly catatonic. Whereas I would stroke (my arms) every 10 seconds with an accompanying kick, “they” would either raise their arms or semi-kick their legs every 60 seconds or so. These moves did not take them far.

When I attempted to share a lane, I whizzed past these swimmers, who were on the verge of needing a lifeline thrown to them. (I may appear callous, but elderly/obese/nearly catatonic swimmers do not belong in a swift-moving, high-capacity lap lane. Give them a nice, warm pool and they would consider it nirvana.) Instead of bullying them out of the lap lanes, I moved over into the then-open community lanes – an open space with 1-1/2 lap lanes for leisure swimmers.

I was swimming along the black line of one of the lap lanes, which guides and propels me, when an elderly woman decided to cross over into my lane and stop just when I was coming to the pool’s edge. I was forced to stop by her presence and wanted to scream, “What are you doing in my lane?” But instead, I strategically said, “I’m sorry that I’m in your space. But I have nowhere else to swim. When another lane opens up – and I gestured to the slow-moving swimmers who had taken over lanes 1-3 – I will move over there.”

She kindly replied in a heavy Italian accent, “Oh, don’t apologize.” I was heartened by her response. She was in her correct space (the community lane) even though she had inconsiderately blocked my passage. And, I knew that I was out of my element (the swift-moving lap lanes).

My next strategic move will be to get those slow-moving swimmers into the right space (community lanes) so that faster swimmers, myself included, can get our workouts done with no impedance.

With all the battles of daily life, confronting the pool administration is one less thing that I want to tackle during my morning workout. But I think the time is fast approaching to take a stand. Then, things should be moving swimmingly. Stay tuned. Let’s see if I have the (beach) balls to rectify this.

Mentoring our kids

As adults, it’s important to set a good example for our children and every child that we can influence. With my own children – now 27, 23 and 20 – I’ve always encouraged them to pursue their unique abilities. For my oldest daughter, it was art, science and swimming; for my middle daughter, basketball and accounting; and for my son, golf and business. One day, I can see him being a super salesman. He’s smart, has many friends and likes to socialize.

Today, at Canton’s Summit, I saw my young friend, Lee Anne. She’s about 11, a great swimmer and sometimes plays basketball. I’ve often encouraged her to join a swim team and compete. In the locker room today, I asked her what other sports she is in. She mentioned racquetball. I asked her if she ever played tennis. She said that her uncle plays tennis and is trying to teach her. I said that it’s a good sport to learn. It’s not only physical, it’s mental, strategic and fun to play with a friend. It’s a means of socializing.

After swimming (3 miles a week for 28 years now), I stopped at the library. That’s another good habit. I picked up several novels for bedtime reading – makes for better dreams and a good vocabulary. It saddens me that the throngs of people that I saw at the library today may vanish if the world turns to e-readers. Where will we congregate?

Reading opens doors to viewing other people’s lives and imaginations. We can explore and discover. We can forget about our troubles and immerse ourselves in another world – whether fiction or fact. I truly wish that more kids today embraced reading as a hobby.

Sports and reading are good places for kids to begin finding their true talents. Meanwhile, tennis anyone?

Please share your experiences in mentoring a child.

What sets L.A. apart?

On a recent visit to this beautiful city, I noticed some distinct things that make L.A. what it is. Here's a short list:

• A teenage boy who was skateboarding at midnight along an empty but safe street near LAX.

• Wine in the afternoon.

• People who are getting their fitness on – walking or hiking mountain trails, bike riding steep mountain roads or along the beach, and swimming in the Rose Bowl pool.

• The amazing trees and flowers – with bougainvillea draping fences and houses, trees stretching over roads like they can do yoga, and bursts of multibloom white roses everywhere.

• Being an instant friend to others (but does it last like it does in the Midwest?)

• Beautiful people. Youth. Smiles. Tanned skin. White teeth. High heels. Flip flops. Hats.

• Stunning houses with dreamy gardens, no two alike.

• Salad with your sandwich instead of French fries.

• The relentless traffic (that’s the only downer I have on this short list.)

Could it be 20 years already?

Sunrise, sunset…swiftly flow the years. It’s so true. My baby turned 20 today. He’s morphed from a 9 lb, 10 oz. bundle of joy into a 6 foot-4 young man with a sparkling personality. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight, but looking back it seems like the years moved with warp speed. Thankfully, I haven’t aged a bit (right!)

I’m super proud of Dan. He comes after two accomplished sisters who have blazed a trail that sets them apart as distinctive, interesting individuals. Dan is no different in that regard. He’s his own man. Lord, just give me about five more years of Dan as a young adult – no wife, no kids – not yet.

Happy birthday Dan and may you live to be 100 – as the Polish song goes which we will sing for you tonight over the birthday cake that you don’t want (because you don’t like sweets – but we do!)

Now, let’s turn up that punk rock and get back to living.

Health care reform - the time is now

My health care bill is $515 per month and doesn’t cover any prescription medication. It’s a $65 dollar monthly hike over last year’s rate – that about $780 more than I paid last year - a 15% annual increase. That increase comes during a time of recession and earned interest rates of about 1.5%.

To those who read this blog, we can’t let this opportunity to pass health care reform slip through our fingers.

I’ve got a young friend who is undergoing treatment for cancer at the Mayo Clinic. Her name is Emily. She’s 21 and has lymphoma. She has limited insurance. Yet, amazingly, the doctors and nurses at Mayo are doing all that they can to save her life. She is one of those people who are happy and outgoing and loving and kind. When healthy, she exudes energy and brings a smile to your face in a nano-second. It’s hard to grasp that her young life is in jeopardy.

Yet without the compassionate care provided at Mayo – through their uninsured patient fund – Emily would be not be alive today. Advanced chemotherapy has extended her life. Yet, the battle to overcome cancer is still raging. She’s due to have a bone marrow transplant in about one week. With luck, prayers and the skill of doctors, Emily will survive.

Hospitals such as Mayo cannot continue to provide this type of care without escalating the cost for its insured patients. There is no question that providing care right now for the uninsured is baked into the cost of everyone’s insurance. Yet, we continue to get less coverage, at higher cost, and the fears of paying for a major illness often keep us up at night.

In my own case, I have tried to get lower-cost insurance from the same provider but was turned down. In fact, they advertise a lower cost option as accessible and comprehensive for people who buy their own insurance – yet I don’t know who they sell it to. I’d like at least to get prescription coverage as part of my insurance. What if I got cancer? I couldn’t afford the medication. And I’m not alone.

Not being able to pay medical bills is one of the leading causes of personal bankruptcies. In 2007 – before the recession, 60 percent of people who declared bankruptcy cited medical reasons as the cause (either they were too sick to work, they had mortgaged their homes to pay medical bills or their out-of-pocket costs were unmanageable.) That’s according to a study done by Harvard Medical School.

The lead author, Steffie Woolhandler, M.D., said "Unless you're a Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, you're one illness away from financial ruin in this country. If an illness is long enough and expensive enough, private insurance offers very little protection against medical bankruptcy, and that's the major finding in our study."

The health care insurance system is flawed. I don’t think any of us can deny that. Congress is ready to finalize a health care plan. We’re almost there. We just need to wait now for Scott Brown to be sworn in as the replacement for the late Ted Kennedy. The health care plan has its critics and its supporters. It’s far from perfect, but it’s a start. Nothing in life is perfect – that much is true.

People are realizing that health care coverage has become part of our rights rather than a privilege. It can even be interpreted as such by the Declaration of Independence signed in 1776. I quote, “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Let’s define those words as they relate to our lives as Americans today.

• Life: the ability to do everything possible to live, aided by surgeons and physicians when needed.

• Liberty: the freedom to be able to get health care when you are sick.

• Pursuit of happiness: Being sick is being miserable. Yes, some people put on a brave front, others simply endure, but many cry out in pain and anguish. Easing their pain is humane. It’s American.

Let’s move on to the notion that obtaining coverage should be paid for by employers or through Medicaid and Medicare. Many people without coverage do have jobs. Their employers have decided not to offer health care coverage because of the cost and they need to stay competitive to remain in business. For our young people who are just starting out, they find that their paycheck is barely enough to cover food, rent and transportation without adding another couple hundred dollars a month or more for health care. Medicare payments to hospitals don’t cover the true cost of care. There are many older people who don’t yet qualify for Medicare who are in that same boat as the younger generation: they simply can’t afford health care.

According to the census numbers, in 2007 there were 45.7 million uninsured Americans. Yet, a report issued by Families USA showed that 86.7 million Americans (that’s nearly double) were without health care for some period of time from 2007 to 2008. Let’s see, there’s about 9 million residents in Michigan. So add another 8.5 states with the same population as Michigan and you can begin to imagine the scope of the problem.

For a few months in 2009, those Americans included two of my own children, who were dropped from their Dad’s health care coverage – and that was through an automaker that decided it was cheaper for the company to have my ex go on Medicare rather than pay for a family insurance plan. As a retiree, what do you do? We had to scramble to find coverage for our young adult children. Now, my son is covered only for the minimal needs, just to keep it affordable. And my daughter is covered by a new employer.

What are regular people saying about health care coverage? Here are some comments made by readers in Sunday’s Free Press.

• “I have insurance. But every year, I have to pay way more than I did before and the coverage is less and less. There are too many problems in the current system to keep things going as they are. Something needs to be done.”

• Another reader, responding to Scott Brown’s win in Massachusetts, writes: Hopefully, now, the Democrats will be more transparent and there won’t be any closed meetings and backroom deals. We need health care reform, but let’s do it right!

Yet another reader, Thomas Hinsberg of Detroit, makes a compelling argument that we are rallying around the Haitians in the aftermath of their devasting earthquake, while ignoring the outcry of the 30 million Americans who could be insured under a national health care plan."Is it because they are not on national T.V. or in the daily news?," he ponders.

Congress has squeaked out a plan, replete with concessions. Negotiating with special interests has surely muddied the waters. But that is no reason to keep the status quo. Reform is never easy. But not passing health care legislation is cowardly and irresponsible. Was the Civil Rights Act of 1964 perfect when adopted? No. But, it was the right thing to do for America – to end racial segregation and extend voting rights. It was a legal declaration for equality among people of all races.

Not passing health care reform would be a travesty. Where is the outrage? You might think, “What can I do about it? I’m just one person.” It’s simple: make your voice heard. Talk to your neighbors and friends – get their take on it and express your opinion. Let’s not hide and be the silent majority – not in this day and age of instant internet communication, cell phones and Facebook.

President Obama will speak about health care legislation during his State of the Union address on Wednesday night. Listen to it or watch it. In the next week, my challenge to you is to contact your representative in Congress and make your voice heard. For those who live in Livonia or Canton, that would be Congressman Thaddeus McCotter.

Let’s not forget the Emilys and our children and our seniors in this dilemma. If you have good health, do everything you can to keep yourself healthy. If you aren’t in good health, know that the chance to become healthy and get over illness should be a right and not a privilege. Right now, that right is quickly slipping away.